First Trimester Draws to an End

(Photo at right: baby bump at three months.)

First trimester draws to an end

These first three months have gone by awfully fast, but they've certainly taken their toll.  The fog of morning sickness gently lifts away, and in barrels the churning storm of irritability at its most vicious.  I cannot seem to shake it.  Woe to those who live within my radius of reach.

An awful fact:  Obstetricians in the Acadiana region are so overloaded with patient cases, some of us have to wait an entire month or more for an appointment opening.  Fortunately, I found one who was able to book me much sooner than that, but I had to postpone until payday.

So, my first appointment with the OB will be later than is routinely recommended.  I'd be a little put off about that, except I believe I've been taking very good care of myself and have paid very close attention to what my body's been telling me.  No red flags thus far.

And I have great faith in this OB I'll be seeing.  He was hand-picked and highly recommended by our midwife.  "He's 100% on-board for natural birth and homebirth.  Just be honest with him about your preexisting conditions so he can make an honest, informed assessment."

That I will do.

Don't know how much I weigh right now, but it feels like I'm probably around 115 or so.  Can definitely feel the extra padding, and the strain on the lower back is certainly beginning to make itself known.

Do-it-yourself neck and back support

Surprisingly, I haven't had trouble sleeping at all.  I discovered a way to support my neck, and it's so effective, I've been sleeping soundly every night and waking up with no aches in my spine or neck.  I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner.

I took a cylindrical pillow that Priss made for me several years ago, and I rolled it up in a long fleece scarf.  The result is a comfy, cushy little neck roll that keeps my spine aligned and my airway open so I can breathe freely and easily.

I also surround myself with support pillows.  The top two stabilize my head and take all strain off of my neck.  The bottom two stabilize my spine and take all strain off of my lower back.

The four-pillow positioning also works whether I'm lying on my back or on either side.

I'd been wondering for a while how I've been able to get up earlier and earlier yet still feel rested.  And I found myself pain-free.  Now I know why.  If my back is wonky over night, my whole body will be wonky the next day.

Now, if only there were a strategic pillow-positioning that would help my attitude.  :(

Month Two: Mission Complete

Today marks the end of the second month.  The evidence is "growing," but sometimes, I find I'm still in disbelief.

Physically, I'm hanging in there. This pregnancy is turning out to be a lot more challenging than any of the ones before.  I might attribute that to age, but that's just a theory.

I've never been plagued by true morning sickness before, but this time, I consistently wake up queasy.  Vomiting is not an issue (thank God), but there's no other feeling in the world worse for me than nausea.  I know I'm supposed to eat bread or crackers or what-not, but the last thing I feel like doing when I'm feeling that way is eating.  So, I muscle through it until I can tolerate putting something in my stomach.

I can tell my face is filling out.  Cheeks are a little rounder.  Eyes aren't as sunken as they usually are, even though I'm just as tired.  I'm not afraid of gaining too much weight.  I just hope I can handle the weight I do gain.  Usually, the lower back and groin muscles take the biggest toll.

The biggest problem right now is a heavy sense of anxiety.  And it scares me.  Naturally, I'm feeling much more vulnerable, so that leads to feelings of inadequacy.  Now is NOT the time to feel inadequate.

Trying to view this realistically...of course my moods are going to fluctuate with the raging storm of hormones.  My body is causing this, and not something I've done or haven't done.  There is no impending doom, no unpleasant consequences I'm about to face.

The fact of the matter is that I'm psychologically unprepared.  I know I'm more than capable of preparing, and I take great joy in summoning those skills I've learned over the years.  It's just the sheer hard work of talking myself up, getting out the tools I need, putting my plans into practice.  I'm so tired!  What if I don't do the job all the way?  What if I don't do the job the way I want to do it?  What if I fail???

I think the thing I need is a small victory.  A little reminder of what I'm made of.  I need to face a modest challenge and overcome it.

Like laundry.  For every load I do, another two take its place.  Usually, it takes a whole day to get through it all (because I can't do what a normal person does and do a little every day).  The thought of spending another dawn-to-dusk kicking my way through these piles has me shaking in my boots.  I'll be completely exhausted by the time I'm done with it all.

Yes, one can be so utterly exhausted she can't relax or sleep.  As Miner's buddies say offshore, "That's bad juju."

So what will I do now? Throw in a load of laundry before I go to sleep?

No. I'm going to take a scalding shower and hope it stings away every bit of tension in my body.  Then I'm going to sleep and try to follow through with laundry tomorrow morning.  I hope I hope I hope I'll be able to write that I did that.

Don't tell me what I NEED: On baby "stuff"

Pregnancy Migraines

I'm beginning to wonder if this pregnancy is going to be more intolerable than the other ones.  Or maybe the others were equally intolerable, but I was just too busy to notice?

Struggling with awful, awful headaches for the past three days.  The kind that wake you up in the night and won't let you go back to sleep.  I've been going through all the usual combat techniques I usually use to fight migraines:

• coffee (which is tough, because I can't even stomach a cup at the normal intervals)
• food
• rest/sleep in a dark, silent room.  

They all help for temporary relief, but the headache hasn't gone away entirely.  It lingers and lingers....

No Stomach for Food

The healthy food cravings have passed, too.  I don't crave anything now.  As a matter of fact, the last thing I feel like doing is eating, which I know is in no wise healthy.  Especially these first couple months when nutrition is crucial to early development.

I slacked off on taking my prenatal vitamins, because they'll make me sick if I don't take them with food, but eating's upset my stomach, too....  A "catch-22" of sorts.  I think I'm just gonna have to "woman-up" and eat and swallow those stinkin' vitamins whether they make me feel like hurling or not.  It's not trial by fire.

Don't tell me what I NEED:  On baby "stuff"

Bought a pregnancy magazine on impulse the other day, just to see what society (or the media representatives thereof) are saying about it these days.  I knew that wasn't a good idea, but I did it anyway.

Every. single. page. shows some company shoving "stuff" at me.  All sorts of gadgets and helping-tools that promise to make pregnancy and newborn care easier and more pleasant.

Maybe it's me -- I acknowledge this ahead of time -- but reading all those articles and ads telling me what I "need" really upsets me!  I don't know if it's anger or irritation or some bitterness of unknown origin or what, but it makes me cringe and eye-roll and grit my teeth.

First of all, every one of those gadgets cost a fortune.  Secondly, they go from being "nice-to-have's" to being "must-have's," so when moms get their hands on them, they think they're better off.

This really gets my goat, because I just don't think it's necessary to buy or have all these "things" that promise to make mothers better at their jobs!  And if a mother thinks she's better at her job for buying or having these things, then it makes sense a collective of buyer-havers begin to think the buy-not-have-nots are somehow worse off because they buy-not-have-not!

Yes, maybe there's a flaw in my thinking here, but the only way my thoughts could be proven or disproved would be through scientific research.  Even then, interviewees may not even be aware of their own motivations, just as I'm not 100% certain of mine.

But practically speaking (about money), gadgets COST, and I've done just fine through all the other pregnancies without some tool to help me through every step of the pregnancy-to-delivery-to-raising process.  I have my own two hands, and those hands are "handy" (pun pun) for arranging things the way I need them, or making things I feel I'm in need of.

Keen Nose, Current Cravings, & Now the Kids Know

The Smells! The Smells!

This heightened sense of smell is just about to do me in.  Anything deviating from the default fragrance of nothing either makes my stomach lurch, my throat clench, or gives me one heck of a migraine.

For instance, today, I gagged at the smell of...

• Ramen noodles
• the cat box
• the cat food
• Comet cleaner
• baking clay
• too many different kinds of candles in the candle aisle at Walmart

Strange thing about it all is that I've never exhibited this prenatal symptom before, not with any of the five pregnancies before.  Guess that just goes to show that every pregnancy is special, and one can never be surprised.

Current Cravings

• tommy toes (still)
• cottage cheese
• Babybel cheese wheels
• sharp cheddar cheese
• olives
• V-8 tomato juice
• 1/2 water, 1/2 lemon juice
• cucumber

I already have a difficult enough time with milk products, but now that I'm consuming them in larger quantities, I'm afraid my digestive system is going to completely freeze up.  Then where will I be?

To compensate, I bought a big jug of that good ol' standby, prune juice.  I don't mind the taste of prune juice at all.  Or the texture.  I actually like it every now and then.  (This is all coming from a woman who loves buttermilk.)  And that's a good thing, because prune juice is going to be my only saving grace.

Now the Kids Know

After dinner last night, we finally sat down all the kids in the living room and put it like this:

"On Saturday, we're getting married."

Stunned silence, wide eyes, some skeptical squints.

"Are you joking?" Priss asked.  She was entirely serious.

Moe threw her head back and stared at the ceiling.

"What's wrong?" I said.

"Nothing, I just think you're kidding."

"No, it's really going to happen this time.  We're having a wedding here at the house."

Then, squeals and lots of hugs and kisses.

Rocky was the only one who kept his seat and his calm.  He had one thing to say: "Yay, health insurance."

Week 5, Day 1

New Symptoms:

• exaggerated gag reflex
• mood swings
• crying spells
• increased appetite
• cravings for Vitamin C
• muscle stitches

It's finally beginning to truly sink in. Symptoms are mounting and overcoming my denial.

Last night, I finished off the rest of the box of grape tomatoes, and I want another box.  This morning, I drank a tall glass of apple juice and wanted another.  Lemon water sounds divine right about now.  Good for general nourishment, but also great for my digestive system, which is historically unruly.

Climbing out of bed this morning, I felt that familiar stretch-and-tug in my abdomen.  My uterus is groaning in protest, "Nooo, I don't wanna!"

I have to be careful about moving too quickly.  Sometimes, the stretch-and-tug becomes a sharp stitch that takes my breath away.

And I have to be careful about not being too obvious about it.  We won't be telling the kids about the pregnancy until Monday, and if they notice me hobbling around like an old lady before they know what's going on, they'll immediately assume something is very, very wrong.  Then, they'll worry and worry, and they won't stop bugging me about going to see a doctor.

And speaking of doctors...

Home Birth

If it's at all financially possible, I definitely want to go the home birth route.  As it is, I know absolutely nothing about home birth.  Ideally, I'd just like to have a professional here with the family to get me through labor, do the delivery, clean up the kid, and make sure my pipes are in good working order.  Anything beyond that, we can handle just fine.

But whoever it is that we entrust with that job, we need to find them NOW.  I've got four weeks to make a commitment, and then it'll be time for my first exam.

Old Habits & New Curiosities

Some things I'll repeat with this baby:

• co-sleeping
• breastfeeding
• homeschooling

Other things I'm interested in exploring for this baby:

• Attachment parenting
• "baby-wearing"
• cloth diapers
• homemade baby food