Having a very difficult time with initial reactions.  Or rather, one of the initial reactions.

I don't blame him. He has a lot on his shoulders.  It's tough being the single source of familial income for such a large family.  I know the responsibility weighs heavily on him, especially when we're not the best budgeters in the world.

But he and I aren't the same when it comes to problem solving.  Difficulties, to me, are challenges to overcome.  I gain a lot of comfort and strength in resourcefulness, research, Plans A - Z.  Nothing is too difficult to handle, even if the solution is less than ideal.  Contentment comes easy to me.  The only thing I need to be happy is this family.

For him, difficulties are shameful and overwhelming.  It's tough for him to appreciate the positive when the negative -- to him -- is a big 'F' for "Failure" stamped on his forehead.  I don't think he got very much encouragement growing up.

Compassion dictates I temper my excitement and enthusiasm in order to help him deal with the pressure.  That hurts me.  But it also robs me of my joy, and that makes it ever harder to maintain my optimism.

I figure the best way to battle his pessimism is with productivity, so I cleaned and decluttered a wall of the bedroom today.  Next, I'll probably go through my side of the closet to get rid of all the clothes and shoes I won't be needing for a while.

Before February's over, the big problem I'd like to solve is that gawd-awful wallpaper border around the top perimeter of the bedroom.  It's been here since we moved in, and it's been last priority, because we always put ourselves last.

Josie (best friend) taught me a fabulous way to "renew" a room.  Simply by rearranging furniture and adding a couple dollar-store touches, like candles or some new framed photos.

There's no way I can rearrange the furniture, but I'm determined to get that tacky border off of the walls.  I'll have to do some research to figure out the best way to remove it (and the glue residue), but that's yet another proactive task on my list: research.

In the meantime, I think I'll head over to and listen to "Don't Bring Me Down" (Electric Light Orchestra) five or twenty times.


DMK said...

{{hugs}} I'm wicked excited for you if that helps at all! Although from the way you described his disposition, I tend to be just like him. But I always admire people like you!

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